I’M IN LOVE WITH THE SHADE OF ME!

This past weekend, I found myself face to face with an exercise to write down and later read out the things I love about myself, in a group. Sure… I might have noticed things I appreciate about myself over the years, but usually I only list them in my head if ever. So finding myself having to put them down on paper and read them out loud (amidst second-guessing voices in my head…), that was new.

Let’s just say… It wasn’t that easy. It got me thinking that we really don’t give ourselves enough credit. It’s potentially easier to notice and point out the good and admirable qualities in others, than commit to an introspection.

I have this thing I always tell myself… that I need to remember to treat myself as I would a best friend I valued so much. I would be kind to that person, I’d always show them how much I love them, I’d never say mean things to them, I’d be their greatest cheerleader. So I should  strive to act in the same way towards myself because I should be my own best friend, and no one can love me more than me. (No human, that is :-)) And of course because my best friend is amazing, I’d have no problem complimenting them! In that moment, I had to remind myself that.

So we all proceeded to list the things we valued about ourselves, and amidst that, a question came up: How then do we stop ourselves from comparing ourselves, and our strengths, from the rest of the world’s? An incredible woman and mentor gave a scenario where you’re just from affirming yourself and applauding your strengths, but the minute you step outside your door/switch on your devices, the world comes at you with all these expectations and definitions of what is beautiful, and amazing, and what defines success. And naturally, because you’re human, you forget all your affirmations to yourself, because they ‘just don’t fit the bill out there.’

I really loved this context. Because it’s so true! Consciously/sub-consciously, we’ll often find ourselves looking at our lives vis-à-vis other people’s. And we forget to acknowledge that we all have different journeys, which then build us into who we are.

I was watching this episode of World of Dance, and this young boy danced so beautifully, it brought everyone to tears. (Not me :-P) When asked the theme behind the dance, he explained how he’d been abandoned by his parents at a young age; the story behind the dance was his struggle to burst past his anger towards his birth parents, which was clouding his gratitude and appreciation for his adoptive parents. One of the judges said, “I really appreciate your life experience; it’s exactly what has shaped you into the kind of incredible person and soulful dancer that you are today. Your emotion behind the story has caused you to dance in such an amazing way.”

We’re different. Different, not better or worse. Because we’re made of different ingredients. And that’s okay. Because of our different journeys, different backstories, it would then be unfair to compare the outcomes. True strength and self- acceptance comes in recognizing this and seeing how special we are. Taking the good things that have resulted from our journeys, and working on those that need improvement. And I believe it’s okay to be on a journey of constant self- improvement. Because truth is, our journeys may have also contributed to certain perceptions/ beliefs that may not necessarily be true, so we need to examine these constantly and work on them. And while at it, refresh on the Serenity Prayer :). In the meantime, accept where you’re at. Applaud yourself, you really do more than you get credit for.

I love this quote (You’ve realized by now how much I love quotes and mantras)…

The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind the scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel.

How unfair to ourselves, right? We judge ourselves so harshly.

But if we really understand the strength of our behind-the-scenes, we’ll be comfortable in our own skin enough to applaud other people’s strengths without questioning our own. Enough to recognize the unique contribution we bring to this world. Enough to withstand the societal pressure of living up to certain standards that have no factual basis. By the way I do not think that society’s definition of some of these things is accurate. And Google agrees. For example:

a) Success:

/səkˈsɛs/

noun

noun: success; plural noun: successes

the accomplishment of an aim or purpose.

See? It’s relative. Judgement is based on the said aim/purpose.

So… are you accomplishing the aim and purpose for which you were made? Are you achieving your full potential?

b) Beauty

/ˈbjuːti/

noun

noun: beauty; plural noun: beauties

a combination of qualities, such as shape, colour, or form, that pleases the aesthetic senses, especially the sight.

See that? A combination, you guys! All the things that add up to form you, that’s beauty!

Imagine what would happen if we all embraced everything that made us uniquely us. If we’d be the best versions of who we are, and who we’re supposed to be. If we allowed our different stories and realities to be our strength. The world would be so beautiful, with all those shades of us. Not being utterly and completely ourselves robs the world of an amazing shade- created intricately with different beautiful pigments and textures.

So write that list, and read it out to yourself as often as you need to. Or shout it from the rooftop if you wanna 🙂 And don’t think that anyone else’s list takes away from yours- it really doesn’t. Truly take time to understand and appreciate yourself and your journey, and fall in love with the unique, irreplaceable shade of you!

Many thanks to Her 1000 miles for the discussion that inspired this post 🙂

Signed,

Woman In Progress.